just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
