All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
