My friends, they love my intelligence
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
