I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
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