when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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