I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
So vagazzling was a success
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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