Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
