I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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