I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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