Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I met the friendliest cop last night
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I love you. Go after that dick
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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