I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Randomize
