every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
