i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
