I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
