in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
