I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Randomize
