Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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