Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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