My friends, they love my intelligence
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
