my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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