You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
