i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
