All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
