I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
