i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
