dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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