he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
