Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Randomize
