Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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