Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
