he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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