If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
