it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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