I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
