remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Randomize
