that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
