I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Still dying that you shit outside
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
