I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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