spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
