I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
