i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
