I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
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