he wants to bone in the snuggie
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
