dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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