Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
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