Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
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