Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
