I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
