It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
