We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
