I wish I could teleport
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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