Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
