Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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