You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
