the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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