I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
