tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
